A facebook friend recently asked for suggestions for a personalised number plate. Having narrowed it down to half-a-dozen choices, he pointed out his favourite and a few “possibles”. Cue OUTRAGE!
Most people took offence to VI0L80R for various reasons; that it didn’t fit with their idea of who he is; that it “unnerved them”; that it was “triggering” because they’d been beaten, raped or almost-raped, force-fed meat or murdered yesterday, in a previous incarnation, by association or in a dream. This led to various forms of passive aggressive wheedling and promoting of another choice because it was “cuter”, “fun” and various other words hinting at sugar-y.
I’ve noticed the same thing on a forum I moderate. In the beginning, I took much flack and whining about my name (Gehenna) because of other people’s ignorance to anything other that the King James Bible. I used the name Eris briefly and they all patted me on the head and expressed happiness that I’d chosen a handle that fit in much better with their fwuffy world ..because fiery purification is much, much worse than the Goddess of Discord 
I enjoy a darker aesthetic than most. I’m not afraid to explore “scary” themes through music, film and personal style. It’s a healthy outlet for a facet of my character that we *all* have in common. It doesn’t make me a Satanist, Snake-oil Peddler, Darkworker or any of the hundred other things I’ve been accused of. Repressing things causes problems that end up being expressed anyway, often in uncontrolled and dangerous ways.
The VI0L80R number plate encompassed several different cultural references my friend resonates with. References to rape and abuse *originated* with the commenters. They projected their experiences and connections onto the number plate. They *chose* to become offended after dredging up an unpleasant meaning to link said plate to. They took offence.
Stop right there!! If a word makes you feel bad, ask yourself WHY? Are YOU in control of your life, or are you bouncing around aimlessly? There are a million and one things out there that people get wound up and indignant about, and those million and one things will rule your life if you let them!
Every time you get all worked up about something you cannot control, you are handing over your power. You are saying that someone, or something outside of you can dictate how YOU feel. With all those million and one bugbears passing through your sphere, you’re in for a long time of feeling powerless.
I am not here to please you, and nor is anyone else. YOU are here to please you
In reply to the number plate thread, I said: “I’d go for VIOL8OR if it resonates. Other people’s issues are theirs to deal with. Why moderate your cultural references for people..? You’d end up having to change everything that pisses people off. There is always gonna be someone who finds stuff offensive. Hell, people are offended by Xmas, fairies and fucking unicorns!(I am offended by unicorns).
Surely fixing yourself, and dealing with your triggers is easier than expecting the whole world to change for you? Because in a world of nearly 7 billion people, there are gonna be sites, situations and people that are a LOT less sensitive than Steve. I say this as someone who has dealt with trauma; I am not sitting in an ivory castle.. but ultimately there is only one person who is responsible for the offence we take, the hurt we feel and the reactions we have and that is OURSELVES.”
Take back your personal power! Don’t allow anyone else to dictate how you feel. We are sovereign beings who’s only true control is over ourselves. Trying to change other people is a waste of time and doesn’t work. If you find another’s aesthetic distasteful then figure out what it sets off within you, and understand yourself that bit better.
We make conscious choices about who we interact with, but at the same time take note: Avoiding every possible “triggering” situation will make your world smaller and smaller. True power over one self, true self-mastery, is to fear nothing and no one! Go get ‘em, Tiger!
–Gehenna
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