While having a discussion earlier about the merits and effectiveness of sending good thoughts and energy to difficult people, I remembered the words of someone from a long time ago who was one of my teachers in more ways than one. This was a communications instructor I had, and she was intent that if we took nothing else from her class, we learned one thing:
“Roughly 90% of what happens to you is not about you.”
My interpretation of this is that when I encounter difficult people in my daily life, 9 times out of 10 they’re reacting to their own internal issue, projected onto me, and thus it’s not worth getting offended. Alternately, if someone does something inconsiderate or thoughtless that I might well find offensive, the “offense” is in reality caused by my perception, and the other person probably didn’t intend any harm at all. This may well be one of the single most useful things I picked up in school; since incorporating it into my philosophy it has dramatically cut down on stress and conflict in my life. Nowadays it’s extremely difficult to offend me or get me to react other than how I choose to, which puts me in a very empowered position in my interactions with others.
When in conflict with others, knowing this it becomes possible to use compassion in a way that actually puts you in the “power position,” rather than being a victim or a doormat. Refusing to react in kind means that you’re not being drawn into a negative cycle of action-reaction, and you’re refusing to take any negativity into yourself. The mental state you’re shooting for says “I’m sorry for whatever is causing you to act this way, and I take responsibility for my own part in this situation, but I refuse to let any negativity into my own energy.” You can then resolve the conflict directly as appropriate, at your discretion. Sometimes it’s just a passing incident best shrugged off; other times a direct confrontation may involve a threat to your physical safety no matter how laid back you are about it. If possible though, the most empowering outcome is when you are able to calmly but firmly state the facts to the other person: “this is why I’m offended” and/or “I refuse to be treated this way.”
At the energetic level I’ve found that this approach can often have a powerful effect as far as dissolving the negativity in a situation. In the case of minor annoyances, mentally blessing the other person makes me feel good, rather than letting my irritation put my mood on a downward spiral. I’ve also come away from situations with very angry people, and instead of reacting with anger myself, either sent them positive energy through our connection or just meditated on regarding them with love and compassion… and soon had them approach me in an apologetic or otherwise positive way. As for actually sending energy though, I would recommend limiting this to people you know well, who you know would be receptive to you under normal circumstances. I say this because there are people who will be hostile to it and not want to reconcile, and would view the sending, either consciously or subconsciously, as a form of attack. In that case I would recommend simply regarding them with compassion and understanding, and avoiding them when possible. Free will is a factor here, and should always be respected.
In the next post I’ll explain how principles of the Law of Attraction can be applied toward dimishing conflict with others in your life.
–Palehorse
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