“Love feels good to do.”
–Hazel (age 4)

“I dont think it’s possible to talk of love.”
–Boris

Love is the giving of oneself without any expectation in return.
–Donald

Love as I’ve come to know it involves the following idea in a big way - Wanting what’s best for the other person, versus what’s best for you. Caring about their wellbeing….even if their wellbeing and happiness doesn’t involve you, or isn’t what you personally want or like. In a nutshell - self, vs. others. There are other aspects of it, but, that’s one biggie!
–Carissa

To me love equates with truth and logic. When I contemplate the perfect laws of the universe and their simplicity, I feel love. It’s not the kind that you get when you pet a soft kitty, or even when you embrace your child. Nor is it the sex kind. It like electricity that flows from positive to ground unobstructed because the balance acquired through knowledge and intuition of the cosmos. It’s balance. It’s knowing that whether you are dealing with the macro-cosmic or the micro-cosmic, the adherence to unity is the same. Love is my reality.
–Amy

I am a being of infinite love and possibility to love. Though I show it in different ways to different people, never doubt that in my own way I love each and every one of you. I have so much love to give and the more I receive means the more I can put back out. It is a glorious cycle! Thank you to those who let me love them and especially to those who allow me to share my love with many people, places and things. Never doubt that you are special and dear to me. Never compare my love for you to the love I have for someone else. Each is unique, cherished and treasured by me. Let me be, love, grow, flow and share, for that is how I want to be. When I am in love with myself my ability to love the rest of the world knows no bounds. Can you feel me glow? I am radiating my dears! I love, love!

I don’t want to hold this back… mmmmmmm… this feels so good!

And it is only growing!
–Kim

This is a hard one, because love is something that I’ve never been able to describe.

When you are blinded from the bigger picture and you are imprisoned inside the walls of control systems in society you are often taught a love that isn’t really love.

I’ve also wondered myself what love really is. From the personal experiences (which are very little so far) I believe love is wanting to reach out to someone or something and wanted to touch them. But not in a physical sense, but more in an emotional ‘inside’ sense. It is understanding and accepting someone no matter the situation. It’s accepting their differences to you.

You can have an attraction to someone and you would want to be with them but if for any reason they can’t or don’t want to be with you then you accept that and you understand it, knowing that they have their own path in life that they need to follow. If you wanted to control them or make them stay with you, and it isn’t what they really want, then that isn’t love, it’s obsession, or on a lesser note it’s just plain selfish which isn’t fair for the other person.

Love, I think, is to be selfless. It’s that warm, overwhelming feeling inside that you can only describe in so many words because it is bigger than that.
–Jana

This is my current understanding. It’s prone to change, as all things are.

There’s the love that is basically a human emotion. It takes different forms, of course, but it’s basically no different from any other emotion, and it comes and goes and ebbs and flows, depending on the situation.

Then there’s the “universal love” that is the power of God (Source/Spirit/Whatever). I believe humans are capable of channeling it, using it, experiencing it, but we don’t do it without some prompting from Source, in some way.

Some human love relationships (such as a parent and child, some marriages, some sibling relationships, etc.) seem to involve not only the human emotion of love, but also the spiritual power of love.

It also seems to me that some relationships where you would expect that kind of spiritual, unconditional love to be at least partly there still lack it, and fall into human-emotion-only. In some relationships, this isn’t an issue, but in something like a parent-child relationship, it can lead to very grave consequences.
–Bonni

People almost always start of by saying.. “Well, there are distinct types of love; romantic, platonic, parental.” I disagree. It is the way love is expressed that they are distinguishing, not the actual emotion. I feel compelled to say what I feel love is not , but that wouldn’t be focussing on what it is maybe in another post!

I’ve gone through many instances where I’ve been convinced love involves martyrdom, pain, sacrifice and all manner of one-sided situations, but now I realise it doesn’t.. ultimately, I believe love is a two-way thing, anything else isn’t love. It must flow back and forth, it must benefit both parties.. otherwise it is an energetic drain. It should feel good, even in a bittersweet way, such as when you wave your kids off to college, or see an ex find happiness with someone else. If you are martyring yourself then that is just another form of control, and I feel that love is about empowerment and guidance, at least, that’s how I express my love for my girls. Love is freely given, love also means being good to yourself, because if you cannot love the person you are, you cannot love, or be loved in any healthy sense of the word. My boyfriend does not want to date a doormat, and I certainly have no desire to teach my kids that love=hurting yourself. Love enhances the lives of everyone involved; it sustains through hard times and it makes no demands. It just is.
–Gehenna

Thanks for all the awesome and well thought out submissions! In my next post I’ll be pulling together all my own thoughts on this important subject — stay tuned!

–Palehorse

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Many personal development techniques involve things like repeating endless affirmations to implant an idea in one’s subconscious mind. Others recommend passive forms of meditation that, over years, possibly lifetimes, cause the mind and personality to integrate on their own. While these techniques will work to affect change, eventually — in the meantime you’ve still got all your old habits, blocks and fears, limiting your ability to fulfill your potential. If you picture one of those blocks as a brick wall, passive meditation techniques could be likened to removing it with wind and water erosion. Repeating affirmations takes time not only to gain access to the wall, but could be likened to replacing it with another structure, by hand, brick by brick. Technically effective, but very time consuming.

To each his own — but when I’ve got a wall in front of me, and I need it gone, I’d much prefer to pull out a sledgehammer and do some smashy-smashy.

One of the reasons I love symbolism and metaphor so much, is that they are the language of the subconscious mind. Since the subconscious is arguably the foundation of how we experience our lives, where much of our experience is created even, learning to speak its language is a powerful tool for those who want to be conscious, deliberate cocreators of their experience. To this end I have found that if I can frame an issue in symbolic language, and then interact with those symbols in meditation — they are often found to exist as literal energetic constructs that are performing some function in my system, for better or worse. These structures are often the result of long-held beliefs, faulty coping mechanisms, and reactionary defensiveness. Adopting healthier beliefs and habits certainly helps — but if they ever make a dent in those subconscious structures, it will be a very gradual process; meanwhile the structures themselves continue to carry out their old function until they’re completely removed. The following technique is used to quickly and directly remove structures in your subconscious and energy that aren’t serving your best interest, including but not limited to fears, anxiety, bad habits, bad coping mechanisms, habitual negativity and faulty belief structures.

The Technique

If you have a favorite meditation technique, do that. If not, do some stretches, get comfortable and clear your mind as best you can while taking ten or more deep breaths.

When ready, with eyes closed, mentally ask to see the structure representing the issue, beliefs or pattern you’d like to remove, being as specific as you can. Picture it as a building, though if a structure appears in your mind’s eye on its own, go with that.

Demolish the structure. My usual method involves rolling explosives in through the door like a bowling ball, and pressing down on a somewhat cartoonish detonator. Feel all these actions as well as you’re able, as if you were really there. Don’t just picture it; DO it, mentally. Push the proverbial “red button”; hear and feel the blast; see the structure reduced to rubble. Feel the sudden release and clarity it left behind.

Now imagine yourself driving a bulldozer, and push the rubble into a pit of violet flame, so that there’s now a clean flat surface where the building once stood.

After you remove an old structure, you may want to leave it at that, or you may want to put something better in its place. If you’d like to implant a new belief, suggestion or operating procedure, I recommend the technique for changing beliefs at their root I posted on previously.

Explanation and My Experiences

The significance of most of the symbols should be pretty clear — you symbolize the issue in question in a way the subconscious mind understands, and send a clear message that you want it gone, removing any associated energetic structures in the process. The reason I use violet flame is that violet flame is a type of energy most commonly associated with spiritual alchemy. The significance of using it in this exercise is that any part of the debris that isn’t in your best interest is either burned away or transmuted into something beneficial, and anything worth keeping is left for future use.

Don’t worry if you don’t feel like you’re great at visualizing. I’m not great at visuals myself — most of my visualizations are more like a series of brief snapshots than a continuous movie, and a lot of what I do is more by feel and intent in a more abstract sense, than literal sight. It’s something I’m working on, but for the sake of effectiveness with this exercise it doesn’t seem to make much difference either way. I also don’t worry too much about physical realism — i.e. rolling some dynamite in through a door wouldn’t make for a neat, well controlled demolition in the real world, but my imagination doesn’t seem to care. The key is the symbolism and a strong intent; those two things are much more important than the actual form used, or the ability to hold the visuals. In fact, I would encourage you to tweak it and make it your own; make it fun for yourself.

I have used this technique numerous times to great effect. The first major issue I tackled had to do with a low level, almost constant anxiety I had identified causing problems in my system, and creating a lot more nagging resistance than I wanted to deal with in the average day. With a combination of tarot readings by Gehenna for insight into the problem, the dynamite technique, belief reprogramming and energy healing afterward, I was able to uncover that the anxiety actually had multiple causes, remove the related structures, put something better in their place and heal a lot of old wounds as if they’d never been there. Over a period of a few weeks, I was able to completely eliminate a huge amount of anxiety and tension from my system. This has vastly improved my overall quality of life, as well as my focus, ability to meditate, and my productivity in an average day.

The second major problem I solved was a massive structure blocking my heart chakra’s ability to fully function. In my last post I described negative beliefs as mercenaries, hired to build a fortress around one’s heart chakra. I found this to be a very accurate description of what was actually going on in mine. This subject may actually be worth expanding on in a future post because I believe that the majority of people who have not done deliberate internal work probably have their heart chakras blocked off to some degree. For now, suffice to say that during a time in my life when I was more vulnerable and less able to address conflict (and deliberate negative interference) in a way that was healthy for myself, I unknowingly built a massive wall around what I would identify as my feminine aspect — the more intuitive part that feels, reaches out, draws others in, and forms meaningful connections.

Interestingly, this came out when I asked to see any structures preventing my attempts to get better at spirit communication. I was shown a massive fortress, which I thought was probably blocking my crown chakra. Normally my ability to “see” these things is limited to brief flashes without much detail. This one though, was extremely vivid and well formed. If it was any more well formed, I’d probably be living in it. I could see the grains of sand in the mortar between the stones, it was that vivid. I took this to mean it had been there for a long time, and a lot of “work” had gone into forming it. I did my usual dynamiting routine — and clearly saw that it only took a small chunk out of the structure. Well… shit. So I walked around it (again underscoring how BIG this thing was), placing dynamite every few feet. That got ‘er down. When I went to bulldoze the rubble, I could actually feel the bulldozer straining against these huge blocks of stone — pretty crazy. It wasn’t until after I removed this structure though, that I found out it hadn’t been in my crown chakra as I’d thought. In reality, I was now face to face with a now very exposed, and very upset, part of my heart chakra, that hadn’t seen the light of day in two decades. Long story short, after two days of sessions spent dialoguing with this aspect, getting it updated, comforted and apologizing for bad coping mechanisms, I made peace and got it integrated. The difference in my heart chakra was nothing short of stunning — it was more open, functional and “connecty” than I’ve ever known it to be.

At this point it’s worth noting that while I wish everyone could experience the enormous benefits of a fully open and functional heart chakra, it’s important to make sure you’re in a supportive (or at least not actively abusive) environment before doing work of this nature. The unblocked aspects will likely be the source of stored pain, and I’ll be honest, it’s not going to be pleasant until they’re fully integrated. Those aspects will also be very vulnerable, so I would strongly suggest not doing so if you’re in an abusive situation or overly negative environment. Ideally you would have someone on hand willing and able to give any emotional support, feedback and help with self-monitoring that is needed, especially when dealing with issues of past trauma. In those cases, the supervision of a qualified hypnotherapist or mental health professional may be advisable. Energy healing has also shown itself to be extremely helpful in the reintegration process. With that said, I’ll address some common questions I’ve been encountering about the dynamite technique.

Common Questions

What if I destroy something I probably shouldn’t?

It doesn’t really work that way. The way I understand it is that there are two kinds of internal structures. One is based on beliefs, entrenched habits, socialization, fears — all unproven “stuff” that gets piled on top of your true identity over the course of your life, distorting your perception of reality, and acting as an obstacle on the path of self-knowledge. The other kind is based on knowledge and personal experience — I use the term “gnosis.” You couldn’t demolish something you KNOW to be true if you wanted to — because you’ve experienced it firsthand. If you recognize that a structure is causing you to fear, or limit yourself, then you already know you’d be better off without it — this is just a symbolic way of letting your subconscious know “I want this gone, and gone yesterday.” Remember that you’re not working physically here, you’re working with symbols and intent — so it’s not like you’re going to aim at one structure, accidentally knock down another and find yourself convinced you’re a duck.

What if I don’t know all the specifics of what I’m demolishing?

I wondered this myself, but it doesn’t seem to make much of a difference whether you have full conscious knowledge or memory of the structure, its origin, history and everything it’s currently doing. I’ve used it on structures where I did have all this info, and I’ve done it with some where I didn’t have much more information than “there’s something in my system causing me anxiety”; in which case I simply said “show me the structure relating to this anxiety response.” In all cases its been about equally effective. Sometimes the instances where I have little info to go on are actually more fun, because I’ve had a lot of pleasant surprises; positive changes I could not have anticipated. That said, Gehenna’s readings were a tremendous help to me in gaining insight on what to target for maximum benefit. There was a period of a few weeks where this allowed me to zero in on and plow through a lot of major stuff in a short period; bam, bam, bam. So, consider that a recommendation for anyone who wants some clarity and insight before you start breaking stuff.

Is this an instant cure-all that will remove all my problems?

No. If anything it should be thought of as a way to get rid of entrenched resistance… but you still need to replace the old structure with better habits and knowledge gained from experience. Think of a bad habit as a thread that has looped around your legs, over and over, for a period of years, and your goal as something in the distance that you’re trying to walk toward. The structures that are removed by this technique are like the thread — it’ll be a LOT easier to achieve your goals with that resistance gone, but you’ve still got some walking to do. Without actively planning a course that’s different from the one you used to be on, and moving toward something better, you risk simply building another structure just like the one you got rid of. You can blow through the entrenched patterns that give you an overwhelming compulsion to procrastinate for instance — but for practical purposes, you still need to stop procrastinating.

WARNING: I’m not kidding when I say this technique will make changes in your system in a very fast and direct way. Fast changes can be disorienting, and cause symptoms of heavy clearing. This can mean a sense of “emptiness” or mental discomfort as your system adapts to operating without the former structure — like reaching for a security blanket that isn’t there anymore. It can also cause physical symptoms, much like detoxing the body can cause temporary physical discomfort. One should take it very literally that you’re getting rid of a structure, possibly one held for many years, and leaving nothing in its place. This should not be taken lightly. So if you plan on trying it, I’d strongly recommend experimenting with caution to start out, being very sure and specific about what you want gone, and not doing this with too many issues in too short a period. Treat it with the same respect you would physical explosives.

This exercise is not recommended for people with a history of mental illness, those in an emotionally vulnerable state, or especially fragile physical health. If you have ANY doubts about your ability to handle the effects of this exercise, please consult your doctor beforehand.

When I first came up with this technique, I got a little too excited about how effective it was, and did a lot of it at once. Bad idea. I was doing a major structure or two a day on average, and it went a bit like… “yay it’s working! Yay it’s working!” (Day 5 or so) “Ohhh crap it’s working a little too well, what did I doooo. *falls over*” I ended up completely drained energetically, mentally scattered, emotionally out of whack, nearly sick, and had to stop all inner work for about another week and a half until my system reorganized and recovered. For anyone who wants to try the technique, I would strongly recommend using it on ONE structure, and waiting for a minimum of three days to see how your system responds before going ahead with more. Since personal responsibility is one of the major themes of this site, I respect my readers enough to offer this information with the understanding that those who choose to apply it do so at their own discretion. Listen to your body, use common sense and find the pace that works best for you.

Be safe, have fun and by all means share your experiences with us!

–Palehorse

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I’ve just managed to get the feed back up and functional; should work fine now. I apologize for any inconvenience!

–PH

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Coming to a general understanding of how one’s energetic system functions is the first step toward working with it effectively. On that note, allow me to introduce you to your two best friends and most reliable support system on the path to fulfilling your highest potential, as the wise and benevolent ruler of your experience. You may know them as your heart and solar plexus chakras, or energy centers. I call ‘em “Love ‘n Shove.”

Love

In my estimation, the heart chakra may well be the most talked about, romanticized, and least understood part of the human energy body. I will be elaborating a lot more on what it is, and what it does, in my follow-up to the What Is Love reader-participation exercise. While we’re waiting for enough feedback to make for an engaging compilation (HINT HINT! :P), I will say that this is where you’ll find the means to smooth out any passive resistance on your path. At its best your heart chakra reaches out and forms connections that are mutually beneficial for both parties. The cool thing is that simply connecting in this way is a benefit for both parties in itself — it strengthens your heart chakra, makes you feel good and gives others who are receptive to it a shot of positive, loving energy. The “stuff” of the heart chakra is in such high demand that it acts as the force that puts the right people in the right places at the right times, exactly as you need it to be. This is the invisible foundation of your visible earthly support network, and where the “magic” of things like positive synchronicities happens.

Where the heart chakra often runs into trouble, is due to the fact that its only natural defense is passive. Which is to say that some people (and entities) will be of such an orientation that they find its energy distasteful. There has been a tendency in New-Age circles to view love energy as the only necessary defense against active negative interference, but unfortunately this doesn’t always work in reality.

Imagine you’ve got a plate of food in front of you that isn’t your favorite. Whether you go ahead and eat it anyway will depend on a number of factors, such as availability of alternate options, how hungry you are and otherwise whether you have a good enough reason to disregard the taste. Similarly, the heart chakra’s energy does have the effect of repelling some things that aren’t compatible with it — but if the source of interference is determined, and sees a way in, or if one habitually allows their good will to be taken advantage of — then your path will present obstacles that waltz straight over your passive defense.

Anyone who has lived on planet earth for a while will know the feeling of a wounded heart chakra, which could come about via misunderstanding, rejection, betrayal or even deliberate maliciousness. The most common mistake at this point is to try and defend the heart using the mind. After a painful experience, people have a tendency to shut the heart down, and take on negative beliefs about themselves and others. These beliefs are like mercenaries, hired to build a fortress — they’ll do what you tell ‘em and take your focus and energy as payment, but they care little about the condition of the heart itself. The heart thus ends up inaccessible to you or anyone else, unable to form its connections, and eventually shuts down. A stone fortress is a good description of the literal energetic construct many people build around the heart chakra; I know this because I’ve found and demolished mine directly. Not knowing that this is what’s really happening, but still valuing the concept of love — one then may try to substitute other things in its place: money, sex, control, approval and so on… meanwhile wondering why they continue to feel so isolated. Obviously, these things are no real substitute. What the heart chakra needs is a separate security system that lets it do its work freely, yet selectively allows some influences to pass through and engage with it directly, and keeps others out — by force if necessary. Such a security force is readily available, willing and more than capable of doing its job. Which brings us to…

Shove

Say hi to your solar plexus chakra. (Altogether now: “hiiii Shoooove!”) Whereas the heart “walks softly” — the solar plexus is where you’ll find your proverbial big stick. (I said stick! STICK!!) Ahem.

The SP is your center of personal power and will; at its best, it is where healthy boundaries are created — and enforced. When the energy here is integrated in itself, and balanced with the heart chakra, you’re much more likely to know what “healthy boundaries” are for you, and how much force is necessary to keep them from being crossed in a given situation. The great thing about working at the energetic level is that ideally you won’t often need to enforce those boundaries directly — your solar plexus chakra and the boundaries you’ve tasked it with will do that for you. This happens at a subconscious level that is picked up on by anyone you encounter (and even those you haven’t yet!). Ideally, solar plexus energy acts as a deterrent much like carrying a visible weapon — you could use it if you had to, but just having it visible makes it a lot less likely that you’d need to. The solar plexus is also a processor of sorts, where raw bio-energy is converted into things like motivation, direct action and effort. It is the “oomph” that works to convert one’s desire to create their environment in their own image, into physical reality.

Those who have a longstanding habit of either using too much or too little force in their daily interactions will still need to find their own balance through practice and personal experience. If you have been conditioned to believe that all use of force is “sinful”, you’ll need to challenge those beliefs before being able to take personal responsibility for creating your personal reality. Think happy thoughts, make plans and move to carry them out by all means — but know that it’s your solar plexus chakra that contains the driving force which largely determines whether you’re an effective creator, a leaf blown around by every passing breeze, or somewhere in between.

Putting It All Together

When the heart and solar plexus chakras are functioning together and working in balance, they form a unit very reminiscent of the yin yang symbol shown above. The correctly functioning solar plexus is the security system the heart needs to form its connections, boldly and freely. When the heart reaches out, the SP keeps an eye on things, and sends out a warning when it senses an unacceptable amount of risk. When boundaries are crossed and our good will is taken advantage of, the solar plexus steps in to see that the offense is resolved and not repeated, so that the heart is not wounded beyond its ability to remain healthy and open.

In turn, a properly functioning heart chakra is equally important to ensure that the solar plexus chakra performs its functions in the most beneficial way possible. The energy of the solar plexus is pure force — which, by itself, runs the serious risk of being misdirected. Willpower alone only encounters increasing resistance, and results in frustration and isolation. When informed by the heart chakra’s energy, the solar plexus’ drive to press onward is one of passion and inspiration. It naturally directs you toward your most fulfilling possible path, resistance is minimized and the effort required feels effortless — and fun!

The next post will begin to explore how I’ve been working with my heart chakra to dramatically improve my daily experience. For those who are interested in exploring their own chakras and energy system, I highly recommend Robert Bruce’s New Energy Ways. This is the foundation of my own energy work, for being both extremely effective and easy to use. NEW can be found online, as well as elaborated on in the following two books.

New Energy Ways (Online tutorial)
Energy Work: The Secret of Healing and Spiritual Development
(aff.)
Astral Dynamics: A New Approach to Out-of-Body Experiences
(aff.)

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When a king planned to travel into a city in ancient times, preparations began well in advance. There were people whose job it was to go out ahead of his procession, make any necessary road repairs and remove things like fallen trees, rocks or other debris. The goal was for the king’s trip to be as smooth, efficient and pleasant as possible.

Of course, trees and rocks weren’t the only potential pitfalls on the king’s path: wild animals and highway robbers posed a threat as well. Do you think either of those dangers would cause a king to fear making the trip? Of course not! Would you say he stood a serious risk of being overtaken by them? Not a chance. Why? Because he didn’t travel alone, of course. He had a security team whose job it was to make sure that if anything intended to threaten the king’s safety and well being, it was forcibly dealt with before it could even get close. If everyone was doing their jobs properly, including the king, then he had a safe and pleasant trip, and his arrival was willingly celebrated by everyone in the city.

At your best, YOU are the king or queen of your own experience. You make your plans, and move to carry them out. If everything is balanced and aligned as it should be, people and situations move to give you a clear path, and any potential deliberate threats are removed before you even meet them.

Obviously we’re not always at our best, and real life doesn’t always play out that way. The average person is like a king who makes his plans, but hits the road on his own, and doesn’t tell anyone in the next city that he’s coming. He may have some vague idea about keeping a positive attitude about his trip, but otherwise most factors are left to chance. His path is bumpy, he may or may not get to the next city in one piece, and whether there will be any kind of reception is anyone’s guess. There’s also a possibility of becoming like a king who isn’t exercising his authority — and thus gets jerked around and completely usurped by his advisors. Or like a king whose brutal, iron fisted rule causes so much resistance that even his closest allies turn against him.

I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to leave such a large part of your circumstances to chance, and that there is a balance between the two extremes. Like the wisest of kings, you too have a staff on hand waiting to make your daily experience as smooth, efficient, beneficial and fun as possible. The problem is that most people have no idea that the support is available, much less where to look for it. I’ll give you a hint: you won’t find them by looking to other people, institutions or even God. Who does that leave? Yep: the foundation of your support system is IN YOU. It’s energetic, because energy is the foundation of your entire experience. Positive thoughts and well-informed actions are actually the effect; energy is the cause. If your energy is unbalanced or not being used properly, the best plans may be thwarted; the most proactive, optimistic possible approach may still find itself blocked at every avenue. When your energetic system is functioning as it should, planning well, thinking positively and taking the correct action will be the natural outcome. Putting those things first may work, sometimes, but that’s a path of more resistance, effort and struggle. Forming good habits in those three areas is an indirect way of getting your energy system to step in line with your goals, but this takes a lot longer than simply working with energy directly.

As with most things, I favor the more direct approach. (Bet you never saw that one coming…)

Reaching a solid understanding of how one’s energetic system functions is the first step toward working with it effectively. On that note, in the next post I’ll introduce you to your two best friends and most reliable support system on the path to fulfilling your highest potential, as the wise and benevolent ruler of your experience. While you’re waiting in suspense, consider weighing in on the soon-to-be-posted “What Is Love?” reader participation exercise! *prod*

–Palehorse

Technorati Tags: chakras, Energy Work, heart chakra, Law of Attraction, solar plexus chakra

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Personal Development for Smart People: The Conscious Pursuit of Personal Growth (aff)

Before I delve into the meat of the book itself, I should say that in my observation, Steve and I approach the subject matter from angles that are different enough to be worth a mention, because this is naturally going to influence my perception of his book. Steve has identified himself as a lightworker; i.e. one who is polarized toward the light end of the spectrum. My personal path is one of balance, where “light” and “dark” are acknowledged as neutral forces of nature, and integrating them to compliment rather than oppose each other; finding healthy ways to incorporate them as they are rather than trying to change or eliminate either. Two completely valid paths, but they will naturally give rise to differences in philosophy, approach and personal experience.

That aside, my definition of a “great book” is one that makes me go “yes! YES! OH GOD YES!!” in some places, “Argh! No! GAHHH!” in others, presents old concepts in new ways, and offers me practical information I can use in my everyday life. I want something I can wrestle with and make it my own; not accept verbatim as the Gospel Truth™. I found all of the above here, so I’d say we have a winner. That actually sounds like a good way to structure this review to me, so onward we go!

Yes! YES! OH GOD YES!!

Steve starts early in the book by observing the major shortcomings of much of the personal development field as a whole: it’s a cacophony of ideas, philosophies and approaches; many of which completely contradict each other, and can easily make for a big mess if one takes in a bunch of it and then attempts to make some sense of it all. So, rather than starting with techniques, Pavlina breaks personal development down into seven universal principles as the foundation upon which to build an approach that’s consistent and effective, which the techniques naturally arise from. These are Truth, Love, Power, Oneness, Authority, Courage and Intelligence. This was interestingly synchronistic for me, as I had begun considering and working with universal principles a lot lately myself. My own list is slightly different from Pavlina’s, which may amount to a simple difference in personal style — but the concept itself is great, and extremely valid. It also scores points with me because it reminds me of a Gnostic cosmology, where Aeons, who are associated with specific principles, arise from the original Source in a progressive series of emanations. But I’ll save my theological geekdom for another time, other than to say this touches on some very powerful, archetypal stuff.

Pavlina’s approach is simultaneously hard-hitting, no-nonsense, humorous and unorthodox. There’s no rehashing of familiar ground or filler material here: he would rather dive in and tackle the big questions head on, grab fear by the throat and unceremoniously toss it out the window, challenge you to do the same (albeit at your own pace, as long as you’re moving) and give you more than a few creative ideas for getting started. I don’t know if Pavlina would put it in the same terms I would, but he demonstrates a strong understanding of the fact that this universe is one of probabilities, not absolutes, so we might as well embrace uncertainty, figure out how to influence those probabilities in our favor, and otherwise enjoy the ride.

Steve’s healthy appreciation for unorthodoxy especially appeals to me. I’m a firm believer in doing what works — with the caveat that a lot of “what works” is found outside of “conventional wisdom,” and can only be discovered by being willing to step outside our comfort zones and think outside the box. The list of 66 succinct (and amusingly titled) tips for increasing one’s effectiveness reflects this. One is encouraged to try everything from practicing a steely glare (which I’ve long called The Look™, and can personally vouch for) to use on people who interrupt your established work-time, to simply finding ways to irritate the crap out of yourself until you cave in and address tedious tasks. On that note, after merely reading this book I may in fact be incapable of procrastinating now, because every time I try, I can’t help but picture a little Steve Pavlina on my shoulder, poking me in the head and going “do it now! do it now!” until I relent. *twitch*

Argh! No! GAHHH!

Like many lightworkers, Steve’s book places a heavy emphasis on the concept of oneness. While oneness is a great concept, in my own development I’ve found a need to seriously refine and in some cases abandon my approach and shift my understanding of this subject away from the views reflected in this book and elsewhere.

I know a lot of my readers come here for help and information after finding themselves unwittingly targetted by some pretty sadistic elements of creation. So, I’m offering this as an important point to bear in mind for anyone who shares my understanding of this subject, but can otherwise benefit from this book. Pavlina challenges us to connect with others and love boldly, which is admirable. Due to my experiences however, any approach I use toward that end would have to account for the existence of personalities in this world who literally lack the capacity for things like love, emotion and conscience, and are not known to be “curable” in that regard. In psych literature these people are called psychopaths; metaphysically speaking, there are people (and entities) who have been clairvoyantly observed as missing their heart chakras — the nonphysical organ which ideally processes love energy and forms healthy connections with others. I elaborated more on my approach to this subject in a recent post, but the gist of it is: love freely and boldly by all means, but use discernment. This is a matter of practicality rather than fear; forcing a gift upon someone who has no way to use it simply wastes my resources, does them no good, and likely invites something into my space that’s going to be a lot harder to get rid of than it was to invite in, thus limiting the resources I have to give to those who can make good use of them. Thankfully one’s probability of meeting such a character is relatively slim (especially if one operates from further down the light side of the spectrum where it’s even less likely to be encountered). But for anyone who is already IN that situation, the most common approach to unconditional love and oneness will not help to resolve the issue, and may compound the problem.

In some places, what Steve intends as “hard-hitting motivation” gets a bit too close to “merciless,” and whether one finds this motivating or discouraging will depend largely on where the individual is currently at in their development. For example, at one point we’re encouraged to rate various areas of our life on a scale of 1-10. Totally with him there; self-evaluation is a crucial part of any personal development regimen. However, he then suggests we change anything 7 and under to a 1; either you’re where you want to be or you’re not. I appreciate what he’s getting at here, but I also know what it’s like to be in a position where the first challenge of the day is finding a good reason to get out of bed, and having that in itself feel like a major achievement. If you start out at a 1, working your way to a 5 is something to smile about and celebrate — but definitely keep pushing for that 10! On the other hand, Steve opts for a more moderate “go at your own pace” approach elsewhere, so this may simply be a matter of offering a wide variety of possible styles to reach the largest number of diverse individuals.

The only other caveats that come to mind have to do with Pavlina’s approach to self-expression. If I’m understanding him correctly he seems to advocate being your full self and speaking ALL your truth no matter what — in one instance recommending we “make [ourselves] naked to the world.” Again, lots of validity here, but with reservations. As I progress further along my own path, I find myself becoming simultaneously bolder and more open in what I’m willing to share — yet more discerning about who I will share it with, and how I will express myself in a given situation. I’m working to find the ideal balance for myself on this front, though I’m still much more likely to show my love by buying you a beer and enjoying a great conversation and a lot of laughs, than by hugging strangers on the street. That aside, I’m totally with Pavlina in the spirit of what he’s trying to accomplish here, which is to challenge us to set aside the usual social fears and connect with each other in freedom and love. People in general are too afraid of each other, and the world needs more people willing to break down the artificial walls we’ve built up between ourselves.

Lastly, one thing caught my eye, and it seems fitting to use it as an opportunity to offer something from my own work back to Steve, for all the benefit I’ve gotten out of his.

“Sometimes I wish I could go back in time, give my past self a big hug, and tell him how much I appreciate what he did for me. If he hadn’t persisted through those difficult times, I’d never have been able to succeed in business, nor would I be able to share what I learned.”

You can. And probably have. What do you think was keeping you going, if not your choice to connect to that future probable-self out of all other possibilities, and him simultaneously reaching backward to confirm his existence? This is one area where I do expand my concept of oneness well beyond the usual model, to include past and future — or rather, the probable past and future selves I choose to associate with in my own present. Pale-fucius say: after all, what is all this personal development, without a future self to enjoy its fruits?

–Palehorse

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However, none of them have ventured an answer to what is, perhaps, an even more basic question.

“What IS love?”

A recent phase in my development has seen me examining the subject of love more closely than I have before. During the time when I was working to re-evaluate my concept of love and its place in my life, I was given a “homework assignment” of sorts, by a friend that I was discussing it with.

The idea was that, in order to do my inner work more effectively, it would be helpful to define love. The assignment was to do so, as specifically as possible. It’s easy to give real-life examples of love in action, or to describe a feeling — but that’s not really what I’m after. The actions and feelings are expressions of love — but what IS the force behind it, which we assign the label “love”?

This exercise opened up so many new areas of exploration for me that I’m now passing this homework on to my readers.

Once I have enough answers to make for an interesting compilation that represents a range of ideas and perspectives, that will be the second part of this entry. I’ll follow that with a summary of my own thoughts on the subject, probably in a third post. Depending on how many submissions are received I may or may not be able to post them all, but if yours doesn’t get posted it doesn’t mean it wasn’t wonderful; it just means that I wanted to represent a range of ideas, not write a novel like I usually do.

So there it is: define love, as specifically as you can. There are no wrong answers, except that I’d like the answers to avoid the inclination to give examples of how love can be expressed, such as “love is… hugging my dog.” The hugging of Rover is the expression, but what’s behind the expression that makes you want to do it in the first place? How can we describe the underlying cause that gives rise to those expressions?

Feel free to post your reply as a comment here, or email me.

Have fun with that one! In the meantime I’m making my way through a great book on personal development that I agreed to review; look for that in my next post.

–Palehorse

Technorati Tags: love

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What I didn’t learn, and should have, is one of the most fundamental skills where energy is concerned. Considering how important this skill is, I’m surprised I haven’t seen more sources address it.

How to manage my own energy efficiently and hang onto it until I need to put it to good use.

One of my biggest problems has been energy drain. No matter how much I’d raise, or how good my defenses were, there was a time where I was losing more energy than I could ever hope to take in more often than not. I would often wake up after a full night’s sleep even more tired and weary than when I went to bed the night before. Difficult encounters with other people would leave me a lot more worn out than I might’ve liked. It was as if my system had a low-level, continuous leak, and at the worst this was attracting draining people, situations and nonphysical entities into my life just as blood in the water is likely to attract nearby sharks.

For a long time this issue was buried somewhere on my “things to fix eventually” list because I really had no solid idea what to do about it. My strategy at the time was to simply raise more energy to make up for what I was losing. This was fine for staying active and functional during the average day, but it really came into sharp focus when I became more interested in developing my natural psychic abilities. For best results, developing these abilities requires a balanced approach, where your system maintains the energy you need to stay functional in a “real world” sense, but are able to handle a greater energetic demand for use by the higher chakras.

Houston, we have a problem.

What eventually came out was that this leak in my system was being caused by old beliefs I picked up when I very first started looking into alternative spirituality, metaphysics and energy work, but before I had any awareness of people and entities who get their energy by draining it from others. These beliefs amounted to a disorganized mishmash of ideas that I think is pretty common in spiritual circles — ideas taken from New Age thought and Buddhism, some leftover vestiges of martyr mentality from Christianity, with some basic concepts from quantum physics tossed in for good measure. Maybe some of these will sound familiar to a few of you readers.

–”All is energy.”
–”Energy is free.”
–”I am made up of particles and empty space. The guy next to me is made up of particles and empty space. The only thing between us is particles and empty space. Therefore we’re all just points of consciousness swimming around in a sea of particles and empty space.”
–”Desires and attachments are bad. Therefore I should desire to rid myself of them.” (Err…)
–”Give freely to anyone who asks, and if someone wants to take something from me, so be it” (Roughly paraphrased with apologies to Jesus).
–”The physical world is an illusion”.
–”All is one.”

I could probably give more examples but this paints a pretty good picture of where my understanding was at one time. As of now my opinion of that list is rather mixed. I’ll save those rants discussions for future posts though. For now my point is this: our beliefs are the basic commands that tell our energetic system how to function. Thing is, even as we evolve, old beliefs can stay in the subconscious like outdated software, continuing to influence the way our personality and circumstances play out, until they’re addressed directly. What these particular beliefs were telling my system was that MY energy is free to anyone who wants a piece, there’s no point in getting attached to it since it’s everywhere, and I can always take in more. Is it any wonder that my attempts to hold onto enough energy to learn new abilities were the spiritual equivalent of eating soup with a fork?

Not all of those ideas are necessarily bad or wrong; some of them I still hold in some form. The problem is that, for practical purposes, most of them aren’t very relevant to my current frame of reference. I may “transcend this illusion” some day — but if I’m ever going to get there, I have to work with what tools and options I have NOW. For now I’m living on a physical planet in a body that requires energy to function. Most of that energy is NOT free, in the sense that converting it for my own use costs time and effort on my part, whether by eating or raising it directly.

My goal is to strengthen my connection with the Source to the point that it’s providing all the energy I need directly — but as of now I’m pretty sure that learning to appreciate and consciously manage our energy was one of the lessons we signed up for by disconnecting from it in the first place. Once humanity learns that lesson, we’ll have all the free energy we need. This statement can be interpreted on a number of levels.

In light of all this I have come to regard energy more like I regard money, since they’re both resources I have to work to obtain. Once energy comes into my system, it is mine and mine alone, to use as I please. I may choose to give it away, via healing and such, — but the important distinction is that the choice is mine. No person or entity has any right to invade my space and drain my energy without my consent. Energy drain can happen directly, but this can just as easily refer to any situation where we give away our personal power to something outside ourselves.

Enforcing those rules of engagement in difficult situations is a whole other subject, and another key skill to master — but just purging my old beliefs and instituting those ideas, in itself, made a swift and dramatic difference in my personal energy levels. Since my system got that memo, I find myself much more conscious of not letting myself be taken advantage of in regular interactions. I am able to sense pretty quickly if anything negative is in my space, but the difference is that now I’ll simply feel it as a sense of pressure on the outer edges of my aura — there’s no longer any invasive energy drain.

Info on my favorite method for changing beliefs at their core quickly and directly can be found in my post Beliefs Create Experiences. Any limiting or detrimental beliefs you may have about energy may not be the same ones I had to change (though something tells me I may have described a good percentage of the metaphysical community, there :P). Whatever the case may be — the question of how we regard energy, our beliefs about it, and managing our own in an efficient and beneficial way, is a tremendously important set of topics to think about for anyone who’s serious about regular energy work, and especially healing work. Even more than that, it is a crucial component of the path to self-mastery.

–Palehorse

Technorati Tags: Energy Work, healing

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Gangstalking, for those unaware of the phenomenon, is a term for situations where a targetted individual is being harrassed over the long term in an organized way. Some cases of gangstalking exhibit elements of negative interference from a non-human source, in that things can happen that can’t be accounted for by regular people acting on their own, no matter how well organized they are. A common scenario is for the targetted individual to be going about their business in public, and be harassed by random people on the street. This is not “normal” harassment however – many targetted individuals have noted that the harassers will be going about their own business as usual, when a very noticeable mask-like change comes over them within seconds. Formerly cheerful seeming individuals suddenly appear unnaturally hateful and angry, and then begin hurling abuse. The abuse itself is interesting in that it will seem specifically tailored to the target’s vulnerabilities for maximum emotional impact – and many times it will go as far as the exact same words being used by completely different and equally random people, in different situations, on different days. My personal experience has been more of the “negative interference” than the “organized human” sort.

Needless to say, gangstalking phenomena can take things like social anxiety to a whole new level. In overcoming this obstacle, first of all I cannot stress enough how much of a difference the simple exercises of grounding and shielding make. I’m highly empathic so crowds, shopping and public transport are major issues for me. Shielding blocks out nearly all of the “babble” and assault on my sensing that I’d get hit with when in large groups of random people, although I’m still alerted to approaching trouble, such as groups of intimidating yobs. Grounding techniques help me when I feel overwhelmed, a common ADD symptom. I also wear an ametrine crystal to help with this.

This still didn’t solve the problems with Random Nasty Bastards. These gangstalking episodes would come literally out of the blue, with perpetrators going out of their way to screw up my day. I expect a few comments; everyone gets unwanted attention at some point, as they walk past a drunk, or gang of builders for example. What I got was far beyond that, to the point where attacks were obviously timed and scripted. I came up with an approach to dealing with the anxiety I felt, while putting a stop to obviously neg-influenced incidents.

Taking my inspiration from “The Secret” aka The Law of Attraction, I make a series of affirmations and visualise positive experiences while I’m getting ready to go out.

“This is my life, and every encounter in it is for my benefit.”
“My sphere of influence contains decent people.”
“I/we will have a pleasant walk.”

I get into a good frame of mind before I leave, reasoning I’ll attract good things If I’m not in War Mode. Breathing exercises control my increasingly rare panic attacks, as does grounding the nervous energy.

If I sense an obvious troublemaker is approaching I try to feel pity for them, and their obviously unfulfilling life, rather than getting tense and angry. I walk with confidence and project attitude rather than shield defensively. This works well, and where I’d previously get threats or abuse, they now hurry past sheepishly. Where I’d once felt intimidated I now feel empowered. Groups of mouthy teenagers are now more jokes than jerks.

Much of what we attract in any given day is down to ourselves. There will always be incidents that are beyond your control, but you are still responsible for how those incidents affect you. In cases of intentional harassment, your emotional response is often the key to determining whether it happens again. A victim mentality only attracts victimization, but when we stand up to the bullies in our lives, we take back our personal power.

Further reading on the gangstalking phenomenon:
Gangstalking and Hyperdimensional Matrix Attacks
Gangstalking Journal

–Gehenna

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After 15 years of bad relationships, I realised something had to change and that the only person who could change it was me. I’d just come out of a 10 year marriage which was very unhealthy, and had gone a long way to killing off the remnants of my lousy self-esteem. Without getting too personal: during the course of my marriage I’d not been allowed to express myself, I’d been misrepresented to everyone he knew, I’d been belittled at every opportunity and cheated on constantly.

Poor self-esteem often leads to fear of being alone, which in turn leads to bad relationship choices, which leads to… worse self esteem.

I’d been attracting friendships and partners who exploited weaknesses I had.. and the effects of fixing these issues manifested as each new, decent person who came into my life. To attract quality people it is necessary to work on self-love, and the fear of singledom as concurrent issues.

You can only love another once you love yourself. Here are the seven steps which enabled me to love, and be loved for the first time in my life.

1. Love Your Own Company!

I had been afraid to be alone.. and so had settled for friends and partners I really shouldn’t have.

With one child and another on the way, I knew that the last thing I should do was rush into a new relationship. I didn’t want to be the caricature single mother portrayed by the media; introducing a new “uncle” to my children each saturday night. While this grossly misrepresents the vast majority of single mothers, it did make me re-asses my priorities and start me on one of my best spiritual journeys; that of learning to love myself. I embraced being alone, and with each day that passed I enjoyed it more and more. I felt freer than I had in years… silly things like being able to hold the TV remote, 3am baths, and being able to indulge my pregnant self with whatever food I was craving. I spent one to one time with my eldest daughter, and I spent one to one time with me when she went to bed. I enjoyed learning about myself, and my tastes which had been squashed for so long. I felt empowered by realising I wasn’t the evil harridan I’d been made out to be, but someone who rose above other’s actions and did what I felt to be right without pettyness or spite. I encouraged my children’s relationship with their father and never spoke ill of him infront of them, and while this often wasn’t reciprocated, I felt proud of myself that I wouldn’t be led into playing the role he’d written for me. I realised his cheating said far more about my ex than it did me. While it was happening I’d blamed myself, thinking his unfaithfullness was somehow my fault for not being pretty, or smart, or “insert a thousand equally stupid reasons here” enough. Being alone gave me the time and space I need to realise that the only blame I held was to allow him to continue sleeping around, by not valuing myself enough to expect better treatment.

2. Love Yourself!

Slowly but surely I began to like myself, and faced up to traits I posessed that I found a total turn-off in others; desperation, spinelessness, martyrdom and passive-agressiveness. It was a shock to take responsibility like that, but soon overcoming my own issues became a passion. With each improvement I made, I became happier, assertive and more secure in my own skin. Within six months, and by the time daughter number 2 was born, I had learned to like myself a hell of a lot, and changes were coming thick and fast! I reclaimed my home with new furniture and ornaments. I chatted to men online without feeling I had to tone down or compromise who I am; I’d developed a real “take me as you find me or fuck off” attitude. This becomes especially relevant later in this blog, when it comes to “The List”.

3. Be Yourself!

As previously touched upon, my ex-husband portrayed me in a stereotypical “nagging bitch at home” role, to family, friends and colleagues. I feel that he needed to see me this way in order to indulge his view of himself as the “philandering husband”. One thing I have always vehemently opposed is people assuming things about me, but this rot was too widespread to deal with directly. I refuse to prove myself to anyone, and even more so to an entire social circle of “anyones”!

Instead I focussed on what I was learning about who I am; that I’m not petty, spiteful, vindictive or loud… That I am tolerant, accepting, strong and thoughtful. I embraced these qualities and many more, and saw that the true me was something my ex refused to see. By being true to myself I changed people’s views in a healthier way than emotionally fraught confrontation would have. Less dramatically, I just liked being me!

4.Express Yourself

We were like chalk and cheese, with my ex having very mainstream tastes in music, fashion and film, and me being your typical wierdo.

I found a lot of catharsis in finally stamping my signature on the home; getting out ornaments and candles I’d had tucked away for years and listening to music I enjoy rather than having the TV on as a constant soundtrack to life… with all it’s constant invasive barrage of lifestyle advertising. (That’s another blog!)

5.Appreciate Yourself

People treat you the way you show them you want to be treated. It’s that simple. This is not “Do unto others…” but “Do unto yourself as you would have others do unto you.” I mentally patted myself on the back over the slightest thing, much as one encourages a child, and, sure enough friends started to let me know they appreciated and respected me.

6.Put Yourself First!

In any triage situation, training dictates that you take care of your own needs before helping others, as a way of ensuring the best outcome all round. I’d learned to say “No!” to any request I felt would lead to me becoming resentful of the asker. This came about because I noticed my life was happier when I felt good, and hell, it’s my life! Life is about personal experience, and I wanted mine to be positive. I gave freely what I felt able to give rather than feel drained of personal resources. To be selfish doesn’t automatically mean “hurting others”… that’s just the popular misconception. Martyrdom isn’t healthy… that’s another blog too.

7.The List

After a year of noticeable improvement, I began to think about what I wanted from life. I was happy living the single life, or single mom life at any rate. I’d realised that I would rather be without a significant other than compromise with someone who was bad for me, and of course my girls. I felt very strongly that loneliness was no excuse for making bad choices. Plus, I wasn’t that lonely- I had a great network of friends!

What prompted The List was numerous advances by men who were clearly The Ex #2. I was no longer someone who suffers fools gladly, and took great delight in telling them so. I knew what I didn’t want… so what did I want? (assuming I was ever prepared to date again!)

I wrote a very specific list of what my ideal man would be personality-wise and yes, looks-wise. I make no apology for this; some may think me shallow, but you can really tell a lot about a person by how they choose to present themselves to the world. What was contained in The List was the recipe for a guy I felt to be truly compatible with me. I won’t bore you with the contents.. all I’ll say is if you try this, I cannot stress enough that I was specific. No “GSOH, SWM” for me. I specified beliefs, musical taste, style, hair, hobbies…After writing this down, I felt empowered. I had recognised my needs and that was a huge breakthrough for me. I swore then that come what may, I’d never settle for Mr Not-Quite-Right. I’d learned to be happy without a partner, and I’d learnt to love myself enough that I felt worthy of the guy I’d described.

The rest, is well, history.

–Gehenna

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